One rule I try to live by is something I learned during my time in the military. I forget who first explained it, but it makes so much sense. In a world with about a bajillion choices for everything and people getting more and more self-centered and thoughtless, it's time to recognize the one comma rule.
Simply put, when ordering anything, most common issue is fast-food or at a restaurant, you are only allowed to modify your order with one comma. That's it. I don't include standard ordering commas, such as adding a drink or a side item. I'm concerned with the modification commas. Take a look at the following examples.
"I would like a Quarter-Pounder, no tomato." You see, one single comma. Simple and easy.
"I want a Big-Mac, hold the sauce, toast the bun, double cheese and extra pickles." Too many commas, too much nit-picking. You are wasting everybodys time and patience on crap like that.
"I would like to order a tall latte, add a shot of caramel." Easy. Not too complicated and quick. No extra explanations or changes necessary.
"I want a half-soy, double-mocha, whipped, venti, chai tea, with a shot of decaf espresso." What the hell did you just order? And I don't want to hear anything about exaggeration. You know you have been stuck behind this person in line any number of times.
"I want a cheeseburger with bacon, hold the mustard." This will get made correctly because you have probably not annoyed the living hell out of your server. You even snuck in an extra modification, but it's a logical order and will be overlooked by most waitstaff.
"I want a cheeseburger, only I want it with bacon, hold the mustard, add extra onion, could I get the mayo on the side, and could I get that on grilled rye toast instead of a bun?" What is the chance of your server not spitting on your burger at this point? Pretty slim. If you want a patty-melt with bacon, ask for a freaking patty-melt with bacon. If you have to modify your order with more than one basic comma, then you don't actually want what you are ordering and you need to find something else to purchase.
Also, as a side note of the one comma rule is that you must actually adhere to what is on the menu. I have heard the following statement several times: "I know this says no substitutions, but could I get item-B instead of item-A?"
No. You may not. The establishment that you have chosen to eat at has asked you not to make any substitutions. That means that you may not substitute item-B for item-A. It's that simple. You are not above the rules. You are not special. If a menu says that your meal will come with coleslaw and fries and you do not want coleslaw and fries, don't order that item. Order something else.
If you cannot find something on the menu that you can safely order without violating the one comma rule, then go eat somewhere else. If you are so picky about what you are eating that you will be forced to violate the one comma rule, you are eating in the wrong restaurant. Go to a restaurant that has the type of meal you actually want to eat instead of tormenting the waitstaff by insisting that your Big-Mac be modified by five commas and then complain when it is not exactly how you ordered it. No amount of commas will turn a McDonalds Quarter-Pounder into a Burger King Whopper. If you want a Whopper, go to Burger King. Don't take out your inability to cope with reality on the kid behind the McDonalds counter.
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